A game with the Csgo Faggots
by Blitzere
Summary: This is what happens when you take four idiots and put them together. May or may not contain extreme amounts of Deranking. Rated M: For A lot of language. Seriously if you're under 16 back off.
1. Round Start

**This is a story about Protecting B with my fellow faggots.**

 **The leader, Blackwolf, keeps us motivated with her rude remarks and high ping plays,**

 **The Bouncer, Ditto, lets us know how strong he is with is auto wallbangs, and random mic usage,**

 **The Asian, Sparkles, helps understand why rice gets dry and why 9 is so lucky,**

 **The Mvp, Bot Eric, shows us that even if the person seems nice, they would be better a bot.**

 **and me, The Loose Cannon, or Tight cannon, Wrayk, I am actually ok at this game.**

 **Together, we are, the csgo-faggots!**

"Wake up Scrub!" A loud, Asian voice interrupts my tactical analysis of our team.

I look up and see Sparkles looking down at me.

"Wrayk, we finally have come up with a plan!" Sparkles tells me, though he looks a little nervous.

" _Well what is it?"_ Some text appears over Sparkles vision, and he sighs about my lack of a mic.

"The plan, Wrayk, is that Wolf, Ditto, and Eric will go A, and us two will hold B."

" _Wasn't that the plan last game, and we were collated by an awp, then that awper aced the guys at A?"_

"...Yeah."

" _k"_

I get up from the chair I was sitting on, and I follow Sparkles out of the big wooden doors, and into a strange place known as CT.

I then did another tactical analysis.

Wolf was staring at an awp on the ground Ditto had accidentally dropped, and so was Ditto.

Bot Eric was probably contemplating life on earth.

And Sparkles start choosing what gun he wanted from the vending machine.

"Ok machine, I'll take a P90, a defuse kit, and a set of armor."

"I'm sorry,", The machine responded back,"I don't speak Asian."

After some vigorous hitting at the machine, Sparkles dropped his accidental m249 buy, which Bot Eric took, Sparkles settled for a single mp9 with Kevlar.

Suddenly, all of our visions went gray, and a voice in our heads started to countdown from 10.

Sparkles put on his Kevlar and cocked his smg.

Wolf was making a plan to drop her nova at ditto to prevent him from picking up the awp.

Ditto was gay.

Bot Eric stared off into existence itself.

And I put on my full kevlar and a helmet, and readied up my deagle and my AWP. Though I had no defuse kit, still, I was ready.

 **3**

 **2**

 **1**

And we were off.


	2. They're Going B

Wolf immediately dropped threw her nova at ditto, and picked up the awp.

Ditto looked at her and just said-

"Fuck you!", and then went Cat.

Bot Eric, Me, and Sparkles all rushed across mid doors and up to be, but not before Bot Eric got no-scoped from t spawn and got brought down to 25 hp.

I ran up and jumped from window to back of site, Sparkles ran over to car, and boosted himself to the boxes.

Eric was trying to figure how doors worked.

And now...we waited.

I stared at that tunnel, my finger on the trigger, my eyes squinted, my body ready.

Ten seconds had passed, then twenty.

Then I realized I had a fleabite on my arm.

I cursed my cats, and ignored it.

Another ten seconds passed, and I figured they were just waiting t spawn.

I move my hand from the trigger and to my arm.

Just as a bullet whizzed by my head and made a chk sound against the stone wall.

I got a glimpse, and ducked down.

I wanted to type in chat 4 tuns, one has awp, but you cant type while crouching, so I just sat there

Luckily, Sparkles realized what was up, and called out it was B.

Now I just had to hold out for reinforcements.

 **(Meanwhile)**

Ditto was running from Cat to tuns.

Last round, he had failed his team, not even hitting a guy after unloading an entire P90 clip at him.

He jumped, and jumped again, making a steady bhop.

He did a perfectly timed hop onto the railing.

Then got no-scoped down mid by a T named 'bad' who was still watching mid.

 **(Anyway)**

After going up and down to spam the word _b_ in chat, and ditto dying, I was peeking up and down, left and right, trying to pick off this enemy sniper.

I moved my gun over the box, double scoped, and fired another round, this time, it hit the sniper, badly injuring his foot, and therefore his entire body.

Just then, Bot Eric came onto site.

"Oh shit, ditto get bot."

And just as the bot went right into the firing line of the awp battle, did it's infinite gaze turn into one of confusion and fear, before it was no-scoped down tuns.

"lol triple no-scoped, uninstall now." Said 'bad'.

Ditto then left he game because of 'ping'.

Sparkles was still on top of boxes, looking down upon the tunnel entrance.

"Wolf where the hell are you?" He called into his radio, being met with gunfire, yelling, odd sound of high ping, then silence.

I froze. The bad guy had killed 3 out of our 5 members.

I won't let him ace us.

Not like last round.


	3. Clutch or Kick!

Just then, a ghastly voice came through the radio.

"So Taco wont stop meowing at me, and you guys are kinda screwed by that bad guy from mid, so I'm gonna go see what she wants."

Just as she finished saying that, a bullet whizzed past my head again, this time from window, and straight into Sparkles's knee.

"A Fourth No-scope, wow, you guys are worse than I am!" Said 'bad' in chat.

"FUCK, I'M HIT." He yelled, as I tumbled off of the boxes and making a heavy thud upon car.

" _SPAHKALS NU!"_ I typed out, then ran over to his corpse.

I was about reach him and his MP9, but suddenly a bullet flew past my face and into car.

With rage on my mind, I pulled out my Deag, and flickshot, headshot, wallbang, one-deaged that bad guys ass face.

"FUCK YOU." 'bad' said in chat, before suddenly going afk.

I then ran over to Sparkles, him bleeding blood and rice.

I put one hand on his head, and the other over his wound.

"...Wrayk...Report hi-him..."

" _Sparkles it was only a leg, you'll be fi-"_

 ***Boom***

Sparkles's eyes widened as an ak47 bullet entered his skull, spraying noodles everywhere.

I pulled his body behind the box cover, and put my hand over his eyes, closing them.

I then picked up his MP9, and typed in all Caps.

" _ASIAN-KLES, I WILL AVENGE YOU!"_

I jumped onto boxes, and head-shot the T with the Ak47, just as I heard the bomb had been planted.

I pulled out my Deagle, and bhopped all the way down to ct, before pulling a 180 and 1-deaging the guy Cat.

I ran up to ramp, dodging an awp shot from pit, and sprayed down a T on site.

I was a pro, and pros never fake, so I started defusing it.

However, four seconds in, I heard an awp being fired, and and Intense pain overtook my arm.

I fell to the floor, in great pain, and pulled out a smoke, flicking off its cap.

The awper ran up onto site, and started firing into the smoke. I got up from the floor, and ran into the smoke with him, driving my knife thru his torso, and sticking him to a nearby box. I then pulled out my pliers, realised I didn't buy a kit, and my body was launched into a nearby dumpter.

Terrorists Win.

"Wow, you guys are faggots." Said 'bad' in an attempt to make up for all the salt he had.

" _Yeah,"_ I typed, _"That's kinda the point."_

 **End**

 ** _OR IS IT?_**


	4. Csgo-Faggot Short 1: Wolf Lags a lot

**Csgo-Faggot Shorts 1#**

"FUCKING RUN WOLF." Sparkles yelled out, running from the two-man CT firing squad at Mid.

"Fuck you Sparkles, don't tell me what to do." Wolf said as she joined him in warehouse. "Sparkles what the fuck did I tell you about how all go B does not mean four go B and an Asian rushes mid!"

"It's not my fault you guys got quad-collated at b!" Sparkles replied, going up a main, and dropping throwing the bomb to wolf.

"Yes it does if you were not only the one with a Negev, but with the bomb to!" She yelled at him from Squeaky.

Wolf ran into the squeaky room, ignoring Wrayk's continued comments about how much detail is put into Cache, and lag-walked right up to the door.

" _You guys should probably just play for picks."_ Ghost Wrayk's voice came through the radio, and wolf just responded with a 'ok'.

After a while of waiting for a Ct's to push, Wrayk started spamming chat with fake callout.

After he said that they were on top of wolf, waiting for her to look up, for the fifth time, he commented that they were probably on sites.

Just after Wrayk said that however, three Ct's pushed a main, and right into Sparkles, who was cooking up a grenade.

Just then, Sparkles died, got a triple grenade kill, and an achievement about killing somebody with a grenade after they die.

"FUCK I KILLED MYSELF WITH THE NADE!" Ghost Sparkles yelled in all chat, responded by a couple of 'Fuck you's from salty ghost Ct's.

After Wolf was done laughing, she decided that it was time to clutch this and rush.

She opened the squeaky door, threw a flashbang, that flashbang hit a ct standing right outside the door, came back, and blinded her.

She fell back, and started spraying.

Bullets hit the wall, the boxes, the door, and even the pipes Wrayk was talking about.

After 50 bullets of lead had left the magazine, wolf stopped spraying, and reloaded...

Just as a CT with a shotgun peeked through the door.

"Of fucking course." Wolf remarked, before getting blasted in the knee.

Wolf then proceeded to jump up and down while emptying another magazine at the Ct, who was missing every single shot with the mag-7.

As the clip went to 1 bullet left, Gaben showered his light up cache, and the last bullet went straight through the Shot-gunners head.

This earned a 'nice' from Sparkles, a 'gg' from Ditto, and a 'nailed it' from Wrayk. Bot Vladimir was silent.

However, before Wolf could finish taunting the Ct's in chat, the last CT, with his Sparkles's Negev, started to enter 2nd A.

Wolf, in panic, with 2 hp, started to run torward the door, but it was more of a teleport.

"Wow wolf your ping just went from 70 to 665." Ghost Asian said in Chat.

"I'm aware of that Sparkles." Wolf said through gritted teeth, getting through the door, closing it, and having the CT start firing all at once.

Then, time froze.

 **You should listen to Louis Armstrong's Track known as 'What a Wonderful world' for this next part.**

Wolf looking around.

She couldn't fire her gun, or throw a flashbang. She couldn't even open the squeeky door.

All she could hear was a repeat of the negev firing sound. She slowly walked away from the door, and into A main, seeing 4 corpses lined up, slumped, against the wall.

She tried to pick up the P90 with all it's ammo left, but she couldn't.

She pulled out her knife, and went outside, and to the left, around to squeaky. Though she still was going at a P90-holding speed.

The entered squeaky, and saw a CT, frozen in time. Then she walked up to him, pulled out her Glock, and fired.

The firing noise was made, but nothing happened.

Then everything froze.

...

Then she was disconnected.

...

After asking her roomate to stop downloading every single movie released in the past century at once, she rejoined.

"Umm, Sparkles, what the fuck happened."

"Oh shit Wolf you're back. Anyway, the negever came out of squeaky, and 600 bullets into your inanimate body, making blood go everywhere, but you weren't dying. Suddenly, you unloaded 20 glock rounds with 0.5 seconds, and killed him, even though he was behind you. He then ragequit."

"Oh...nice."


	5. Csgo-Faggot Short 2: Sparkles is Asian

**Csgo-Faggot Short 2#: Sparkles's Asian Adventure**

"MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

"FUCK, I'M OUT!"

"THEN DON'T USE THE CZ-AUTO DITTO!"

"FUCK YOU WRAYK, I DO WHATEVER I WA-"

 _Bot Knife has killed ditto with an awp headshot_

 _"Sparkles, Ditto is Dead!"_ Sparkles read in chat.

" _...Sparkles? I hear them coming through the tunnel. I'm behind the pillar. Cover me!"_

Silence.

Bot Knife then moved onto site with his partner, Bot Steel.

Ever since the new years update, you can set the bot difficulty pre-game, and whichever difficulty setting had the majority from both teams, did it come in effect. The entire enemy team, two of which were kicked by the other three, had their bots set to master, and since the Faggots were 4-queuing, the one guy, who left the second the game began, had his bot setting to master.

In short, Bot's Knife and Steel were fucking them.

Bot Knife then pulled out a flashbang, and did I perfect arc against the pillar so that everyone on the other side would be flashed.

Except, for the lookout from A site.

As Bot Knife threw is flashbang, Bot Steal started prefiring around the pillar.

" _SPAHKALS?!"_ Wrayk typed in chat, bracing himself for the insta-headshot.

Then, the headshot noise happened.

And Bot Steel was no more.

Bot Knife noticed the figure at lookout, and took aim.

Too slow.

A second headshot noise took place, and Knife's awp hit the floor.

Wrayk hesitated, then looked up at lookout.

There, was standing, the Asian Mvp.

"Sorry, I was eating noodles." Said the Asian.

" _I had them you know."_ Came up in chat, and Sparkles rolled his eyes, before jumping onto the angled ramp under him, and landing on b site without a scratch.

"Sure you did Wrayk." Sparkles retorted, "And also, guess who's the best on the leader-board!

Wrayk froze, and after a tab press later, he saw that he was not one, not two, not even three, but four fucking points under Sparkles.

Sparkles then saw it, the salt buildup, just as he had many times before.

Wrayk's P90 started wavering, his characters gaze moving up and down.

And then came the talking.

 _"Oh"_

 _"Hell"_

 _"Naw"_

Wrayk gave his character a cold hard stare, before pulling out his knife, dashing to help Wolf on A site, who had been dodging rays of bullets using her ping.

Sparkles followed him, to the door, up the stairs, and onto A site.

As they entered Site, they saw two of the Cts firing their pistols at Wolf, who was jumping up and down.

When Wolf saw them, she realized she could run, so she jumped off the ledge and onto the lower stairs, giving her character two damage.

Then she teleported back up to the ledge, mid-jump, and took another two damage.

Then again, but this time, she immediately died of fall damage, and cursed about her roommates downloading of every single title on Netflix.

The Ct's, using their Nova 2 powers, turned around to see two T's, staring at them.

Immediately, both T's were behind cover, just in time to dodge the bullets.

After the rain of M4A4 bullets had passed, the Ct's waited.

"Ok Wrayk, I have an Idea, if you angle the gren-"

* **Flashbang***

Sparkles peaked over cover, and saw Wrayk chasing a Ct down the stairs, while the other Ct tried to land a shot on Wrayks salt-filled form.

Being Asian, Sparkles took the oppurtunity and fired his glock right until the CT's fully armored toe, doing a grand total of 9 damage.

The Ct turned right around, and started spraying.

Sparkles took cover again, and after giving the situation no thought, he jumped, and fired.

Now in Csgo, you will see some amazing shots.

Jumping, 360, wallbang, collat, noscopes from across the map.

People on mirage using an awp to wallbang somebody from the door on cat to the stairs on underpass.

Plays both Pros and Silvers can admire.

Of course that is all luck, and Sparkles shot hit a random light pole outside of the map.

However, this did scare the CT into dropping his grenade right in front of him, and blasting him right into that light pole.

After a small victory roast in chat, Sparkles went down the stairs and onto lookout, seeing Wrayk on site next to a planted bomb.

" _He got away. Still, you didn't get that other kill. So I sti-"_

 _Skenny has killed Wrayk with a deagle_

Skenny then walked onto site, and teabagged Wrayk.

After four crouches, Sparkles got bored and killed him, winning the T's a round, 1-15.

"Ha, 0-16 the nightmare is gone, right Wrayk?" Sparkles asked.

Wrayk had been silent throughout the teabagging.

"...Wrayk?"

...

 ** _"FUCKIN FU-"_**

 _Fin~_


	6. Csgo-Faggot Short 3: Ditto is Gay

**Csgo-Faggot Shorts #3: Ditto is Gay**

"I'M COMING I'M COMING!" Ditto yelled out, going to help is teammates.

" _OH HE IS SO FUCKING LONG"_ Wrayk called out in chat from his hiding spot in pit.

"SHIT, HE'S SPRAYING HIS FIREPOWER ALL OVER ME!" Sparkles yelped out from A site.

"SAME, IT'S ALL OVER MY BODY, MY LEGS, EVEN A LITTLE ON MY HEAD!" Hoodedbeard(another faggot) responded from Cat.

"GUY'S, I'M FUCKING PINNED DOWN BY LIKE 2 GUYS!" Wolf cried for help at the boxes in Ct.

"WRAYK FUCKING HELP US, WERE GETTING FUCKED OVER HERE!" Ditto yelled, getting shot at by the second CT at Middle.

" _IT'S YOUR GAYNESS THAT GOT US INTO THIS MESS!"_ Wrayk yelled in chat, just as an awp's crackle sounded out.

 ***FlashBack***

Ditto was currently in an on-going argument with Sparkles about which genital was more convenient.

"I mean a pussy doesn't flop around and distract you." Sparkles pointed out, in pit with Wrayk.

"Yeah but it's way easier to pleasure yourself with a cock." Ditto retorted, crouched on top of wolf inside long doors.

" _Can you guy's shut the fu-"_

Wrayk stopped his typing just in time to duck as a T let lose his negev at pit.

" _GUY'S HELP!"_ Wrayk typed out.

"That's the thing Sparkles. Dicks do the fucking, and Pussies get fucked." Ditto said, ignoring Wrayks pleas.

"You get fucked all the time Ditto." Sparkles countered.

" _You Both are huge fucking pussies and complete dicks."_

"But the problem with vagina's is that-" Wolf started.

Wrayk, wanting to save himself the from listening, threw a flashbang at a site, and told everyone to push, to which they shut up and did.*

 ***In real life, they would all say fuck you Wrayk, and go through long doors, then get double naded and all die.**

To team-faggots surprise, the site was clear, and so was Cat and Ct.

After a bit of time of searching, everyone split up to look for the Ct's.

Also nobody wanted to tell Sparkles to go plant.

Ditto went over to B, which was clear.

Hooded(who had been silent this whole time) went up to Cat.

Wolf probed around at CT.

Wrayk stayed Pit.

And Sparkles was on A site.

After confirming that everything was clear with everyone, Sparkles planted the bomb.

And the very second the bomb was planted.

CT's came out of fucking everywhere.

 ***End Flashback***

"HOW IS IT MY FAULT?" Ditto yelled, fleeing Ct and go up to long.

"Guys, somebody just wrecked my ass with a long rifle." Sparkles called out, dead from a Sniper on long.

 _"Because you started the Dick argument_!" Wrayk retorted, after knifing the Awper.

"Uh guys, I'm dead. Thanks Ditto." Wolf said, the voice echoing out of her corpse.

"Well it's not my fault you told everyone to rush site." Ditto responded, as he ran through long doors.

"Guys I'm down, they have Cat." Hooded called out in chat.

" _So you would have rather just stayed outside long!?"_

"YES"

Just then, both Ditto and Wrayk heard two bouncing sound as they exited pit, and they got double naded.

 **Counter Terrorists Win.**

"Well we got fucked." Sparkles ended with.

 **~Fin**


End file.
